Category: Financial Planning

How Professional SEO Services Can Help Your Website

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| Financial Planning

No matter what type of business you are in today, having a strong online presence is very important. While this includes having a good social media and digital marketing campaign, finding a way to attract customers to your website continues to be important as well. One way that you can find more customers is by attracting them through major search engines. To do this, you should consider working with a professional SEO service. Professional SEO services can help your website in a variety of different ways.

No matter what type of business you are in today, having a strong online presence is very important.

Consultation for current website

When you hire a professional to help with SEO, the first thing that they will do is provide you with a consultation on your current website. The service will be able to provide you with data on where your visitors are coming from, how many visitors you are receiving and what is attracting visitors and customers to competitor’s websites as well. They can then help you identify what part of the website is attracting customers and what may be reducing visitation. They can show you what landing pages are effective and what landing pages could use some improvement.

Development of strategy

A professional SEO service can also provide you with the guidance to help you develop a strategy for your website. After assessing the strengths and weaknesses of your website, the team can help you develop a strategy that will be effective to maximize the SEO position of your website. This can include coming up with target phrases that will help you to attract your desired customer base and including content that will help improve the overall integrity and quality of your website. A lot of aspects of SEO require strategy and expertise, such as creating a landing page that converts. Professional SEO services know the best practices for landing pages and what is needed to improve SEO rankings and increase conversions.

Implementation of SEO strategy

Once you have agreed upon a strategy with the SEO service provider, the next thing that they will do is implement it for you. The SEO service will spend time altering content to include target keywords, placing new blog posts, and making website adjustments that will help to make your website more SEO-friendly. When this occurs, you will start to show up higher on the relevant search engines when people perform relevant keyword searches. The team will also add valuable content to your site and help you make your website a more enjoyable place to visit, which will help ensure people continue to come back after they have found your site.

Professional SEO services know the best practices for landing pages and what is needed to improve SEO rankings and increase conversions.

Evaluation and management of campaign

While implementing the initial SEO strategy is important, the plan and process do not stop there. To have an effective SEO plan in place, you will need to continue to monitor it on an ongoing basis. An SEO service will be able to provide you with real-time information about your visitation and other data. Based on this and changes in the search engine algorithms, the SEO service will be able to make additional changes to your website to ensure that you continue to show up high on the top search engines.

Identify other revenue streams

Once an effective SEO campaign has been implemented, it should help to drive more and more traffic to your website's landing pages. If this happens, your website will be more attractive when it comes to receiving ad revenue and placing relevant outbound links. Both of these can be a great way to earn some additional income for your business, which could then be invested into other areas of your website or business in an attempt to help it grow.

Anyone that is going to try to improve their business needs to have a quality online presence. Part of this includes making sure that you are able to attract customers to your website. Through the use of professional SEO services, you can appear higher on the relevant search engines while also having a quality website that will keep customers coming back.

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It's Time for a Spring Cleaning of Your Mind

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| Financial Planning

Here in the Northeastern U.S., spring has finally sprung. It’s sunny, breezy, delightful … and time for a spring cleaning.

I used to dread the spring cleaning—the switching out of seasonal clothes, the wiping down of fans, the whole drill. It was a chore, a drain of my time and energy. 

But one day a few years ago, I realized how much lighter I felt post-cleaning. That annual process I dreaded? It actually left me feeling refueled and ready to tackle the next big thing. I wondered if I could get that same sense of energy and renewal for my work life (not to mention life in general) with a little spring cleaning of the mind.

Why clean out your mental closet?

Our closets can get overwhelmed by an accumulation of things. So too can our minds. Unfortunately—unlike with excess shoes, clothes, and accessories—there's no charity organization or resale shop waiting to take in your mental clutter.

When I realized that my brain was suffering from an accumulation of unused junk, I roughed out a process and took myself through a professional spring cleaning. And it was a clear win!

Not only have I done a mental spring cleaning every year since, but I’ve also developed a version that leaders can use with their teams.

If you’re a leader (or an aspiring one) feel free to grab your guide to running a Team Renewal session here.

Ready to spring clean your mind? Awesome. Let's do this!

Set yourself up for success

This exercise can deliver a little value or a ton. If you’re here for a ton, then let’s start by setting you up for maximum success.

A great setup means focusing on three key factors: 

  1. Mindset. Look at this as that opportunity for renewal. Not only is it a chance to let go of anything that isn't functioning anymore, it's also an opportunity to dial up the things that are working. The process should feel like a gift, not a chore. Tell yourself this until you believe it.
     
  2. Time. Give yourself time to be reflective. You don’t want to race though this exercise. It should feel thoughtful and intentional. I typically set aside two to three hours, sometimes in a single block, or sometimes in smaller chunks. Whatever works for you is great.
     
  3. Space. Try to clear a space in which you’re unlikely to be distracted. Move physical clutter and ask anyone (big or little) who shares your space to steer clear of you. This isn’t a meditation retreat. Nothing has to be perfect. But try to separate yourself from “real life” as much as you can. 

Now you’re ready. So let’s get you renewed.

Run your renewal

The process I use, both for myself and with my clients, is comprised of four components.

1. Celebrate (and clear out) the past

A great renewal begins with a letting go of what’s non longer serving us. It gives us a clean slate. But letting go can be hard. So I’ve borrowed an insight from Marie Kondo.

A few years ago her “magical” KonMari method of home organizing took the world by storm. And one of the unique tenets of her method is the idea of honoring the past, expressing gratitude for what has served us.

In this HuffPo interview, licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Yuko Hanakawa, explains that “By treating your items with respect, kindness and gratitude, you are enhancing the spirit of the given item. … From that perspective…you are respecting the spirit of the items that you’re letting go of with gratitude, instead of getting rid of them with negativity or force.”

I’ve adapted this concept into my own process. This spring renewal process is about, in part, letting go of things no longer serving us. Instead of items we express gratitude to the projects, practices, and habits that helped us get to where we are but are no longer serving a purpose.

So, honor what’s served you previously—find a way to express gratitude for it getting you thiss far. And then find a way to let it go.

For me, in past years, I’ve celebrated but let go of:

  • Working with an amazing coach who had supported me … but who I’d outgrown
  • Reading every how-to book on starting a business … because mine was finally started
  • Offering free introductory sessions to new clients … which I no longer needed to do because I was succeeding

I was able to appreciate the value each of these had delivered for me. Then I thanked them for their service and let them go with grace.

2. Define your Secret Sauce

Now that you’ve cleared out space in your intellectual closest, the next step is to identify what makes you truly stand out.

You want to be clear and purposeful so you can choose a handful of things you really want to dial up.

For me, there’s a lot I can do. I’ve built training programs on various leadership topics and I’ve done it well. I’m a good teacher. But I’ve realized I’m an excellent facilitator. 

I don’t want to just be good; I want to shine. We all deserve to shine.

I can teach a team how to do a thing. But what I really love is facilitating the dialog that enables the team to decide the right thing for them and their organization.

Whether it’s about defining an operating model or determining how best to lead their teams through change, I love providing a framework and then facilitating the build of a powerful action plan.

This is an important insight for me. It helps me focus on which projects and clients to pursue, and which to refer to my amazing colleagues. 

I don’t want to just be good; I want to shine. We all deserve to shine.

So what about you? What do you do well, and what do you do that really knocks people over? Figure out a way to dial up the latter. What do you need more of in your life?

3. Identify detractors

Now let's identify anything that distracts you from focusing on your secret sauce.

I’m not talking about the quick breaks you take to call a friend or watch a cat video. You deserve those. I’m talking about things you do as part of your workday that are inhibiting, not delivering, value.

Are you spending too many hours a week in meetings that don’t really require you? Managing a dashboard no one looks at? Do you talk too often to a colleague who is grumpy or cynical and might be bringing you down?

Think long and hard about where you’re spending your time and what activities may be keeping you off-purpose.

For me, as my business began to grow, I realized I was spending too much time on administrative work. I finally hired an accountant and am now on the hunt for a virtual assistant. Getting clear on what holds you back can really help inform your choices on how best to move forward.

4. Commit to habits and practices

Finally, it’s time to reflect on what you’ve learned, and to establish some new practices that will keep you on purpose and on track.

Maybe you commit to declining one meeting per week (to start) and see how it feels. Or you decide to repurpose your old “commute time” as listening-to-a-business-podcast time. Maybe you set aside some time each week to network, or an hour a day to walk. Or maybe you start and maintain a Bullet Journal to keep you focused.

This is not an exercise in goal-setting. Your focus should be on specific practices—things you can see (and satisfyingly check off!) once you’ve completed. them

There are no right or wrong answers, as long as you’re making choices with purpose and intention.

Here are some of the practices I’ve personally committed to over the years:

  1. I do quarterly check-ins with each member of my secret circle of mentors
  2. I send a relevant article per week to a past or current client. This keeps me top of mind while adding value for them
  3. I do monthly progress checks against my goals to determine where I’m on track and where I need to make change
  4. I do a weekly personal celebration by listing everything I accomplished that week that left me feeling proud. Celebrating myself keeps me motivated.

And there you have my four-step process for my intellectual spring cleaning. It leaves me refreshed and revived every time.

I hope you’ll take advantage and run your own.

Oh, and a little insider secret: mental spring cleaning works in any season. Any time you’re feeling the slog of overwhelm give this process a try. And let me know how it goes!

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Is It Time to Raise Your EQ? Here's How to Do It in 3 Steps

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| Financial Planning

If you’ve ever discounted the importance of “emotional intelligence” because it sounds like rainbows and trust circles, it’s time to think again.

The meaning of EQ

Emotional intelligence, often referred to as EQ (for Emotional Quotient), is defined as "… your ability to understand other people, what motivates them, and how to work cooperatively with them."

Emotional intelligence can boost your ability to learn, listen, lead, sell, persuade, and negotiate more effectively.

Having a high EQ is about more than just being swell to work with. Emotional intelligence can boost your ability to learn, listen, lead, sell, persuade, and negotiate more effectively.

So let’s take a closer look at what drives your emotional intelligence and talk about how you can give your EQ a bump.

The 4 components of emotional intelligence

Renowned emotional intelligence researcher Daniel Goleman describes the four key components of EQ as:

  1. Self-awareness — Recognizing our own emotions
  2. Self-management — Controlling our own emotions
  3. Social awareness — Recognizing the emotions of others
  4. Relationship management — Influencing those emotions

In essence, emotional intelligence is about how you manage yourself and connect with others in moments of interaction. Whatever your job function, chances are you rely on the agreement or support or collaboration of others in order to achieve your own goals. Emotional intelligence can be a means to that end.

Savvy Psychologist's 6 Negotiating Tactics Based on Psychological Science explains more about how paying attention to emotions can help you negotiate better and build successful working relationships. Give it a read!

What does emotional intelligence look like in like practice?

Last year, I was coaching an executive named Darren. He was a sales leader known for having tremendous knowledge of his market, portfolio, and products. He had top-notch sales skills, but he was struggling to hit quotas and retain talent on his team.

When the feedback you hear is about how you show up versus what you know or deliver, it’s an indication that your EQ may need a boost.

I had the opportunity to interview some of his employees and his clients. Here are some of the snippets I heard:

  • He just doesn’t read the room well. He has an agenda and can’t respond to the conversation happening in the room.
  • He knows it all. So much so that no one else feels comfortable speaking up.
  • He's condescending. I’m uncomfortable voicing questions because he makes me feel dumb for asking.

What I didn’t hear was anything about his analytic or forecasting capabilities, his knowledge of product, and all of those other things he was "known for." As a general rule, when the feedback you hear is about the “how” rather than the “what”—how you show up versus what you know or deliver—it’s an indication that your EQ may need a boost.

When I initially shared this feedback with Darren, he scoffed. “I sell software products,” he told me. “It’s about technology, not warm fuzzy feelings.”

“But you’re selling to—and leading a team of—people. And people have feelings and experiences that play a part in your hitting your targets,” I responded.

Then he nodded, and we began to establish a plan of attack.

How do you raise your EQ?

There’s no right way to bump up your EQ, but I’m partial to a simple three-part framework.

  1. Pay attention to yourself
  2. Pay attention to others
  3. Respond intentionally

Pay attention to yourself

As I always tell my daughters, you’re entitled to any emotions you feel. Emotions are neither good nor bad; it’s your actions that matter.

Emotions are neither good nor bad; it’s your actions that matter.

So Darren and I began here. I needed to understand what Darren was experiencing in these moments off-putting moments his clients and team members described.

Here’s what he told me:

  • “I get frustrated when it’s so obvious and they just don’t get it.”
  • “I get bored of having to repeat myself”
  • “I’m annoyed that people who know less than me are making the decisions”

These are all fair. Feeling frustrated, bored, and annoyed is a part of Darren's experiences, and he’s entitled to them.

What matters is his actions—how he responds or reacts. Your emotions don’t always have to dictate your actions.

As organizational psychologist Adam Grant once tweeted:

 

With clarity on what Darren was experiencing, I asked him to start to note when these feelings were triggered for him. I needed him to pay attention to how those feelings caused him to behave and how people reacted to those behaviors.

Pay attention to others

Once Darren started noting these moments of his boredom or frustration, he realized the impact it was having on his relationships and ultimately his career. He noticed that:

  • Clients who seemed inquisitive at the start of a meeting would stop asking questions a few minutes in. 
  • His team members stopped bringing forth ideas and instead simply awaited his instructions. 
  • His colleagues had stopped asking for his subject matter expertise even though he was known as the product guru.
  • His emotions were driving behavior that was having real, not to mention unaffordable, consequences.
  • His frustration was intimidating people
  • His arrogance was limiting his ability to put his expertise to use.

Darren realized that something had to give, so we focused on changing his reactions to see how people responded.

Respond intentionally

Making the connection between your emotions, your reactions, and other people’s experiences of you is critical for building emotional intelligence. Seeing the connection allows you to ask yourself “What experiences do I want people to have around me?”

Asking and answering this question informs your choices.

Here are the commitments Darren made to me, but more importantly to himself.

He would:

  • Let a question be fully asked before reacting. Even if it seems “dumb” or repetitive, every question provides an opportunity for him to inform or influence. He was ready to take that opportunity.
     
  • Invite ideas again from his team. With his knowledge of product and customers, he was in a tremendous position to help his team shape those ideas. This is what being a leader meant. 
     
  • Seek advice from his colleagues. Sure, Darren’s product knowledge may be top-notch. But are there things he still has to learn from others about leading teams and building relationships? Yep!

With patience and persistence, within a few months Darren began to see some positive indicators. Clients, team members, and colleagues all began responding more favorably to Darren. Suddenly he was leading effectively, winning in negotiations, and learning a great deal about the soft side of selling along the way.

Sometimes rainbows and trust circles are just the things you need.

Check in with your own emotional intelligence

So now it’s your turn. Where is your EQ opportunity? 

Maybe you’ve been interviewing like crazy but haven’t gotten the offer. Or you’ve been struggling to motivate a colleague to collaborate with you. Or you keep pitching an idea you know is great, but no one is supporting you.

All of these outcomes require someone to respond to you in a particular way. So ask yourself:

  • What experience are you having in critical moments?
  • How do others seem to be responding?
  • What changes can you make to your actions in the moment?

Checking in with yourself has a ton of value, but there's something even better—asking for feedback. For example, if you've noticed that others don't share ideas with you, ask them if there's something you're doing that makes you seem unapproachable. Can't get buy-in on an idea you believe has a ton of potential? Ask if there was something off-putting about the way you presented your pitch. Showing humility and the willingness to receive honest feedback can go a long way toward amping up your EQ.

Identify opportunities for growth, experiment with them, and tweak as needed. Moving your EQ in the right direction really can be that simple.

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What to Say When You Don't Know What to Say

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| Financial Planning

Has someone said something in a meeting that was so offensive it just left you gobsmacked, having no idea what to say? Unfortunately, this probably happened to you in the past day if not the past hour. Maybe the offensive thing was said to you, maybe it was directed at someone else. But either way, you want to say something but don’t know what to say. And your silence robs you of your agency, just a little.

Here are some tips to figuring out what to say next time this happens, as it inevitably will.

1. Name the problem

Bias is “not meaning it.” Bias, often called “unconscious bias,” comes from the part of our mind that jumps to conclusions, usually without our even being aware of it. These conclusions and assumptions aren’t always wrong, but they often are, especially when they reflect stereotypes. We do not have to be the helpless victims of our brains. We can learn to slow down and question our biases.

Prejudice is “meaning it.” Unfortunately, when we do stop to think, we often don’t always come up with the best answer. Sometimes, we rationalize our biases and they harden into prejudices. In other words, we justify our biases rather than challenging their flawed assumptions and stereotypes.

Bullying is “being mean,” the intentional, repeated use of in-group status or power to harm or humiliate others. Sometimes bullying comes with prejudice, but often it’s a more instinctive behavior. There may be no thought or ideology at all behind it. It can be a plan or just an animal instinct to dominate, to coerce.

2. Match the response to the problem

When people’s biases are pointed out to them clearly and compassionately, they usually correct them and apologize.

What’s important is to draw a clear boundary between people’s right to believe whatever they want and their freedom to impose their prejudices on others.

Prejudice, however, is a conscious and ingrained belief. People don’t change their prejudices simply because someone points them out. Holding up a mirror doesn’t help—people like what they see. What’s important is to draw a clear boundary between people’s right to believe whatever they want and their freedom to impose their prejudices on others.

Bullying has to incur real consequences to be stopped. If bullies were swayed by being aware of the harm they are doing to the people they are bullying, they wouldn’t be treating other people badly in the first place. Usually they are trying to hurt someone. Pointing out the pain they are inflicting doesn’t make them stop and may even encourage them to double down.

3. Start with these words

If you think it’s bias, start with the word “I.”

Starting with the word “I” invites the person to consider things from your point of view—why what they said or did seemed biased to you. The easiest “I” statement is the simple factual correction.

For example, early in my career an executive referred to me as a “pretty girl.” An “I” statement might have been “I don’t think you will ever take me seriously when you refer to me as ‘pretty girl.’" Recently, when I was about to go on stage to give a talk, a conference attendee ran up to me and insisted that I fetch him a safety pin. An “I” statement might have been, “I’m the speaker; I think one of the staffers can help you find a safety pin.” A CEO of Asian descent was waiting by the valet station for his car and an employee, making a biased assumption, walked up to him an handed him her keys. He replied, “I think you’ve confused me with the valet. I am your CEO, not your valet; here to serve, but in a different capacity.”

I spent some time, time you won’t have in the moment, editing those two suggestions. An “I” statement doesn’t need to be perfect; doesn’t have to be clever or witty. It can even be clumsy. The point is to say something.

If you think it’s prejudice, start with the word “it.”

One type of “It” statement appeals to common sense: “It is ridiculous not to hire the most qualified candidate because of their hair.” Another references the policies or a code of conduct at your company: For example, “It is a violation of our company policy not to hire someone because of their hair.” The third invokes the law: For example, “It is illegal to refuse to hire someone because of their hair.”

Responding to bias is hard, but it’s much harder to respond when people believe that gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, socioeconomic background, or any other personal attribute makes someone else incapable or inferior in some way. The reason to confront prejudice is to draw a bright line between that person’s right to believe whatever they want and your right not to have that belief imposed upon you. Using an “It” statement is an effective way to demarcate this boundary.

If you think it’s bullying, start with the word “you.”

When someone is bullying you, the person’s goal is to harm you. Telling the person you are being harmed is just going to result in more bad behavior. Ignoring bullies doesn’t work, either. The only way to stop bullying is to create negative consequences for the person doing the bullying. Only when bullying stops being practical or enjoyable will bullies alter their behavior. When you’re the victim of bullying, or when you’re a bystander and the bully is more powerful than you, you often feel powerless to stop it.

One way to push back is to confront the person with a “you” statement, as in “What’s going on for you here?” or “You need to stop talking to me that way.” A “You” statement is a decisive action, and it can be surprisingly effective in changing the dynamic. That’s because the bully is trying to put you in a submissive role, to demand that you answer the questions to shine a scrutinizing spotlight on you. When you reply with a “You” statement, you are now taking a more active role, asking them to answer the questions, shining a scrutinizing spotlight on them.

What if you’re not sure what is going on?

That’s OK. Trust your instincts. If you respond to a remark as if it’s evidence of prejudice or bullying when it was in fact bias, that’s OK. You can shift to a different statement. Just remember, An “I” statement invites the person to consider your perspective; an “It” statement establishes a clear boundary beyond which the other person should not go. With a “you” statement, you are talking about the bully, not yourself. People can let your statement lie or defend themselves against it, but they are playing defense rather than offense in either case.

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Creating a Just Workplace with Author Kim Scott

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| Financial Planning

We all want to work in environments that feel safe, inclusive, and accessible to everyone. But when something infringes on that sense of safety, we don’t always have the language or the tools to tackle it.

Kim Scott, author of the New York Times bestseller Radical Candor is striving to change that. In her new book JUST WORK: Get Sh*t Done, Fast & Fair, Kim offers a simple framework for recognizing and responding to bias, prejudice, and bullying. Her practical suggestions give us something we can put into practice today to start clearing away the inefficiency of inequity so we can just work.

Kim joined me for a chat that was vulnerable and funny and full of wisdom coming from her eight-year-old daughter. Listen to the full conversation on Apple, Spotify, or your favorite podcast platform, or just click the audio player above.

The difference between bias, prejudice, and bullying in the workplace

What's the difference between bias, prejudice, and bullying? Simply put, Kim says: "Bias is not meaning it, prejudice is meaning it, and bullying is being mean.”

  • Bias reflects an unconscious belief system that may impact how we engage with others.
  • Prejudice is conscious—when we knowingly believe something to be true about someone due to a fundamental attribute (gender, race, sexuality, etc.)
  • Bullying is bad behavior meant to intimidate, belittle, or otherwise hurt another.

“The real benefit of beginning to distinguish between these three things is that the response to them needs to be very different,” Kim says.

How to respond to workplace injustice that happens to you

So what’s the key, then, to addressing each of these in the workplace?

BIAS

“If it’s unconscious bias,” Kim says, “I find it's best to respond with an ‘I statement…’ [which] invites the person to understand things from your perspective."

I don't think you mean that the way it sounded.

PREJUDICE

“When you’re dealing with someone’s prejudice," she continues, “you need an ‘it statement.’ People can believe whatever they want, but they can not do or say whatever they want. An ‘it statement’ can appeal to the law… to a code of conduct… or to an HR policy."

It's a violation of our HR policy to _____.

BULLYING

“With bullying, you want to respond with a ‘you statement’ that pushes the person away from you."

You can’t talk to me like that.

Kim confessed that her perspective on how to confront bullying was shaped by her third-grade daughter who was being bullied at school.

When Kim's daughter approached her about the bullying, Kim initially suggested she use an “I statement,” telling the bully how his behavior made her feel. But her daughter wisely pointed out that making her feel bad was the bully's goal! "He’s making me sad!" she said. "Telling him how I feel would be like giving him a cookie and telling him he’s won.”

How to be an upstander when workplace injustice happens to others

Whether it’s bias, prejudice, or bullying that’s reared its ugly head, the key to combatting it is to be an upstander.

A bystander observes, but an upstander stands up and intervenes.

What's an upstander? It's the opposite of a bystander. A bystander observes, but an upstander stands up and intervenes.

Being an upstander does come with risk. Kim shared the caveat that it's important not to think of yourself as “somebody [who] charges in and [wants to] play the role of Knight in Shining Armor. When I say 'upstander,' I mean standing up to the injustice, not asserting yourself as the stronger person than the [one] who’s [being] harmed.”

Kim pointed out that, in addition to standing up, offering support to the affected person is equally important. After witnessing an injustice, consider approaching the affected person to validate their experience and offer some kindness in return: "Gosh, I noticed this. Are you OK?"

"It's almost like gaslighting when something obviously bad happens and nobody comes up to you," Kim explained. "So your role as an upstander, even if you just approach the person who was harmed and talk to them later, is really important."

How should leaders address bias?

Kim recommends creating bias interrupters: "…a shared vocabulary on the team that everyone will use to flag bias when they observe it in a meeting." Words matter, she said, but she can't tell leaders what words to use with their own teams. "You're going to have to choose the words that work for you."

One team she referenced literally flags bias during meetings by throwing purple flags. Another used a simple, straightforward phrase: "Bias alert!"

When a bias is flagged, team members have two ways to respond:

  1. "You're right. I'm sorry. Thanks for pointing that out."
  2. "I don't quite get it. Can we talk after the meeting?"

Have a listen to the entire interview to hear more incredible insights from Kim. You can also pick up JUST WORK from your favorite bookseller or on Amazon.

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How to Stop Someone from Interrupting You

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| Financial Planning

I recently received a question from a listener who wanted to know how to handle a new boss who chronically interrupts. This is a serious problem in a lot of relationships, but it has many causes. In a previous episode, I described the different reasons why people interrupt, and now I’d like to discuss what to say to people who keep interrupting you. 

Dealing with interruptions gently

Just what do you do when a person constantly interrupts? Is it rude to tell them they are interrupting? Does the power position of the interrupter make any difference? What exactly do you say to maintain the relationship? 

I certainly understand why I received this question; it's frustrating to always be the one who has to be quiet and let another person talk.

Interrupting is a bad habit that needs correction, but depending on the reason, or the degree of relationship, it needs to be handled differently. As I talked about previously, some people interrupt because they’re direct, some because they’re creative, and some because they actually want to affirm you and be supportive. Some have just developed a bad habit, or feel they must assert themselves. And then there are the bullies.

Learn Why People Interrupt with the Public Speaker. 

Allow me to discuss a few different ways to stop someone who interrupts: 

One way to address the behavior, a bit indirectly, is to simply let the person interrupt, then repeat again exactly what you started saying, in a polite, respectful tone.  (Read: no sarcasm or anger!)   

So, for example, what you DON’T want to say is the following:

You:  Sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?  (I heard this once at a meeting!)

or . . . 

You:  I want to give you all the results first. I'd appreciate it if you'd give me a chance and not interrupt like you always do.

Instead, you could try something much more polite and gentle:

You: The results of our analysis showed that 3% … 

Her: I talked with Joe Robinson this morning about the analysis …  

You:  I'm interested in hearing what Joe had to say, but I'd like to share the results first.  The results of our analysis showed …

This approach helps the interrupter who doesn't realize they are interrupting. However, if you are dealing with a chronic interrupter, and if you've got something really important to share, you could preempt the interruption by requesting she hold her thoughts and reactions until you’re done. 

You: The results of our analysis showed that 3% …

Her: I talked with Joe Robinson this morning about the analysis …

You:  I'd like to get your reaction/feedback on the analysis, but I'd like to give you all of the results first. Does that work for you? 

Head over to Modern Mentor's blog for more workplace tips. 

When gentle doesn’t work

Get an assist from a trusted peer:

You both agree that, in group conversations, if either of you gets interrupted by the boss, the other person will interrupt the boss and say, "I'm sorry Joe (boss's name). Sue (colleague's name), were you finished? It sounded like you had more to say."  

Use the universal "please stop speaking" words and symbol:

I call it the "all right then." Here's how it works: you respond to the interruption with "All right …"  or "Thanks," and then start your sentence over again. Here's how it would sound:

You: The results of our analysis showed that 3% … 

Her: I talked with Joe Robinson this morning about the analysis…  

You:  All right, thanks. The results of our analysis showed…

Add in a hand gesture at the same time:

The idea is to every so slightly raise your fingers with your palm facing slightly above parallel to the ground.  Keep in mind that the higher you raise your palm (and the closer it is to the other person's face), the more aggressive the gesture becomes. You can imagine the worst case of this gesture looking like the "stop" or ever worse, the "talk to the hand," gesture with averted eyes.

Again, the technique is to say the words, and then ever so slightly raise your hand, and then carry on with what you were saying. Another option I've heard experts suggest is to very lightly touch the interrupter on the forearm and then say (in the absolute most polite tone possible) "Please" or "May I finish?"  These stronger approaches definitely will stop the interruption, but usually I prefer to reserve these approaches for when I am in the power position—for example, when my children rudely interrupt me or another adult. I wouldn't suggest using them in the office, particularly with a new boss.  

If the interrupter is a boss and the previous suggestions aren't improving the situation, the best approach may be to have a trusted advisor have a direct conversation about this communication behavior with your boss. Talk with a mutually trusted third party, perhaps a peer of hers, or a peer of yours who has already earned her trust and respect. Whoever speaks to her needs to know the fine art of handling difficult conversations. In my book Smart Talk, I dedicate an entire chapter to this topic, outlining and explaining in detail a nine-step process. In brief, this type of conversation requires that you state your observations simply, specifically, and clearly, and then work with the person to mutually create alternative behaviors that meet your shared goals. That is, you would give concrete examples of times she has interrupted, explain how that negatively impacted the people involved, and discuss possible alternative ways for her to provide her comments. If there are examples from customer interactions, these can be particularly powerful, since they have the most direct negative impact on the business and shift the focus away from the employee who raised the issue.  

Not sure how to start the conversation? Read 4 Difficult Conversation Starters from the Savvy Psychologist. 

Ultimately, only you can decide on the best approach to handle this situation. Sometimes just understanding why someone interrupts is enough to give a bit more room and leeway for the interruptions. However, in the end, a direct conversation that is aimed at helping the person to be a better communicator would be the likely result and the best outcome for all involved, though it does take the most effort, preparation, and skilled delivery. 

This is Lisa B. Marshall helping you to lead and influence. 

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How to Self-Promote at Work Without Feeling Icky

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| Financial Planning

Does the idea of having to self-promote leave you feeling like you need a shower? Sometimes, it seems showy and braggy and icky. The thought of having to do it may make your skin crawl. And yet, self-promotion is essential.

The key to promoting yourself is striking the balance between humility and hubris. You need to find ways to demonstrate confidence—in the service of creating opportunities—without seeming self-congratulatory or off-putting.

Doing great work isn’t enough

Doing great work—delivering important projects, delighting customers and clients, contributing innovative ideas—is crucial if we aspire to new challenges and opportunities at work. But these successes only serve us if the leaders and decision-makers around us have a clear understanding of what we’ve achieved and how we’ve impacted the business.

If you’re looking to get ahead at work, doing great work is only half the battle. The other half is shining the light on your achievements. And this, we accomplish through self-promotion.

Getting self-promotion wrong can have real consequences. Poorly orchestrated self-promotion can hinder your ability to grow. It limits people’s willingness to follow your leadership, to choose to collaborate with you, and to support your candidacy for roles you aspire to.

If you’re looking to get ahead at work, doing great work is only half the battle. The other half is shining the light on your achievements.

There are many strategies you can use to effectively and stealthily promote yourself—your achievements, your knowledge, your capabilities—without being off-putting. Here are my five favorite ways to self-promote without making my colleagues and superiors roll their eyes.

1. Be focused and intentional about self-promotion

Think of self-promotion as a means to an end, not a general way of being. Instead of tooting your horn at every single success (icky), identify specific achievements or successes that support a goal you’re striving to achieve.

If you’re hoping for an opportunity to take the lead on an upcoming client pitch, then choose a piece of feedback you’ve received from a client that highlights your ability to listen and respond to their needs. Make sure your boss, or the key decision-maker, sees that particular feedback.

But stay on-script! Stay focused on promoting your client attentiveness and don’t go overboard touting your graphic design or writing skills. Peers and colleagues will happily celebrate along with you in occasional moments of thoughtful self-promotion.

2. Hold others up next to you

Looking good isn't a zero-sum game—there can be lots of winners at once. Often, when you’ve achieved something worth celebrating or promoting, you’ve had some help along the way.

Tell your success stories in a way that highlights the contributions and wins of your collaborators as well as your own. This positions you not as a self-promoter, but as a promoter of others—a highly valued leadership skill.

Holding up others positions you not as a self-promoter, but as a promoter of others—a highly valued leadership skill.

As you boost others, you win your own recognition points along the way. So if you’ve successfully pitched a client and landed their business, try saying something like “Without the incredible research and preparation Sally did, we never would have landed this client.” This approach allows you to celebrate Sally while discretely delivering the message that earning this piece of business was actually your win.

3. Ask amazing questions that demonstrate your expertise

Asking surface-level questions— “What is the Internet of Things?” or “How will AI shift our industry in the next 10 years?”—signals only that you’ve learned a few buzzwords. It's a game anyone can play.

Following up with probing questions demonstrates your understanding of and your desire to learn more about the subject and can promote you as a blossoming expert.

But when you go head-to-head with someone deeply in the know on these topics, you’ll get responses that warrant further probing. I know virtually nothing about IoT or AI, so my conversation with an expert would end quickly. But if you’re someone with interest in and knowledge of one of these topics, following up with probing questions that demonstrate your understanding of and your desire to learn more about the subject at hand can promote you as a blossoming expert.

Asking smart questions is hard work. It demonstrates your ability to follow the conversation and allows you to help someone else shine along the way. So use the opportunity to not only give a seasoned expert the floor but also to demonstrate your own chops.

4. Ask for feedback

You’ve accomplished something you’re proud of, and you want to be sure that your boss, client, or mentor knows what you achieved and how you achieved it. Asking for feedback can be a powerful way of creating the opportunity to talk in detail about the great work you did.

When you ask for feedback, it's important to be open to receiving both the positive and the critical.

Let the person you want to influence know that you’re really excited about the outcome you’ve achieved. Tell them you’d like to dissect the process to learn from what went well but also to identify opportunities to make things go even more smoothly next time.

The key here is to avoid being disingenuous. When you ask for feedback, it's important to be open to receiving both the positive and the critical. Being receptive gives you the chance to celebrate, self-promote, and learn with humility all in the course of a single conversation.

5. Offer your services to others

A great way to demonstrate your knowledge, skill, or capability is by making yourself of service to others. Teaching, training, mentoring, coaching—these are all wonderful means of demonstrating your own talents while positioning you not as a bragger but as an asset.

By offering to provide value to those around you, you’re creating opportunities to show off what you can do without having to talk explicitly about how amazing you are.

Know a little something about coding? Rather than walking the halls wearing a T-shirt that says so, offer to teach a workshop or to host a lunch-and-learn for colleagues who are interested in learning the basics. Proud of your presentation design skills? Offer to create some templates and style guides the team can use when preparing presentations. By offering to provide value to those around you, you’re creating opportunities to show off what you can do without having to talk explicitly about how amazing you are.

So, there you have my five favorite techniques for effectively self-promoting in a way that serves your goals without putting off those around you.

Self-promotion can be easy, not sleazy

If this list has inspired you to action—and I hope it has—then godspeed and go forth!

But if you’re still struggling to get over the hump of self-promotion ickiness, try keeping this in mind: Your company pays you to deliver value. If you’re unwilling to promote your achievements and capabilities, then your company will never know how to extract the greatest value from what you bring to the table.

Think about self-promotion not as a means of touting your goods, but as a means of letting your company know just what you’re capable of and how you can serve the greater good.

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Are People and Situations Frustrating You at Work? Let's Fix That

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| Financial Planning

In the earliest days of my running my business, I remember being fascinated (and horrified) by the black hole into which every proposal seemed to fall. Back then, I’d meet with a leader seeking a program or some consulting. I’d follow up with exactly the proposal they’d requested, and … [insert sound of crickets chirping].

I was so frustrated. Our conversation had made clear that they had a need and I had a solution. And their inability to close the loop was so bleeping frustrating. I’ll confess to having spent a hot few minutes, or maybe months, stewing in my frustration over their failure to respond.

Then, one day my brave husband gently suggested that perhaps I needed to look at how I was contributing to this frustrating outcome.

Ugh. I hate it when he’s right.

What role do you play in your frustration?

As it turned out, I was indeed playing a role in this broken record of frustration. These people were busy doing their day jobs; they weren’t sitting around waiting for my proposals. I realized I needed to sharpen my calls-to-action in my cover notes. I needed to follow up, sometimes three or four times, to land the next meeting. 

This reflection was a game-changer for me. I made some tweaks to my approach and, magically, their behavior changed! Suddenly proposals became contracts, which inevitably became a business.

When you’re looking for the reason people around you seem to be denying or ignoring what you’ve said, you may need to look for that answer in the mirror.

Being this brand of reflective—asking ‘What am I doing that’s contributing to this problem?’—can be hard. But in your own moments of repeated frustration, consider what your role might be, and what you can do to change the tape. I'm not talking about one-off frustrations like when your neighbor's landscaper shows up with a leaf blower just as you're about to virtually present a big pitch. I'm talking about those frustrations that seem to rear their heads again and again on an endless loop.

When you’re feeling frustrated on repeat, before you bang your head against the wall, take a pause and reflect. Ask yourself, what is my opportunity to contribute to a different outcome next time?

Here are some surefire places to start.

Make sure you've been clear

When I run programs on effective communication skills, I always include a nod to a favorite quote of mine, often (and probably incorrectly) attributed to George Bernard Shaw:

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.

A leader will often say something like “I’ve been telling them for months this change is coming. Why are they surprised?” Or “I’ve explained how I want my team to engage with customers. Why are they still doing it wrong?” When you’re looking for the reason people around you seem to be denying or ignoring what you’ve said, you may need to look for that answer in the mirror.

I know what you think you’ve said. But have you checked on what is being heard?

Maybe you manage a product, and you’ve told marketing a hundred times that you’d like them to change how they’re positioning the product in their communications. But they’re still doing it the old way, and you’re frustrated!

Now’s the time to check in with marketing. What have they heard?

  • Do they understand the problem with their current positioning?
  • Have you been specific enough about the differences you want to see?
  • Have you provided an example for them to follow?

Anytime it feels like someone is ignoring a request or direction, pause to check on how clear you’ve really been.

State your boundaries so you can protect them

Your boss tends to call you most days around noon. Or you’re finding yourself in too many 7 a.m. meetings. Or you keep getting put onto committees that are doing important things, but you’re totally overwhelmed. And you’re just so frustrated.

Don't your colleagues know you've got zero bandwidth for another committee? In short—no, they don't.

Doesn’t your boss know that noon is when you’re feeding your little homeschoolers lunch? Don’t your colleagues realize that 7 a.m. is your only quiet hour, which you use to read, meditate, or exercise? Don’t they know you’ve got zero bandwidth for another committee?

In short—no, they don't. And you’ve got to tell them. You need to state a boundary and hold people accountable.

Your boss just wants to see how you’re doing, and he figured noon was convenient because meetings aren’t happening. Your colleagues are just looking for open windows on your calendar and 7 a.m. always seems free. And those committees? Well, each committee leader is looking for your expertise, but none of them have a way of knowing how many other committees you’re already sitting on.

Always assume positive intent: No one is trying to inconvenience or overwhelm you. 

Let people know what works for you. And hold them accountable while also being flexible. Your boss needs to know noon isn’t great, but in an emergency, you’ll pick up if he calls. Block out 7-8 a.m. on your calendar. You can be flexible without yielding that hour completely. Choose a committee or two to support, and then let the rest know you’re happy to advise from afar.

It's up to you to be clear about your boundaries so you can defend them when they're being infringed upon.

You’re the only one who knows what you need. It's up to you to protect your time and energy. Be clear about your boundaries so you can defend them when they're being infringed upon.

Spot the patterns and make a plan

I once spoke at a conference for summer camp directors. I asked about their biggest challenges. One director described her frustration with counselors resigning just days before the start of the summer. Immediately everyone around her nodded in agreement.

“Is this a challenge all of you experience?” I asked. Hard nods. “Does it happen every year?” Harder nods.

“Then let’s plan for it!” 

Anticipate what’s coming and plan for it.

Whether you’re a teacher or an accountant or a retailer, all of us experience some kind of seasonality in our professional lives. There are patterns that may be frustrating, but they’re also predictable. So anticipate what’s coming and plan for it.

I led the camp directors through a discussion about hiring more staff than needed so they had reserves to help manage last-minute resignations. They discussed sharing staff across camps local to each other. And by spotting the pattern and planning for it, the camp directors were able to come to even more proactive solutions to their problem.

Now it’s your turn. What frustrating things happen like clockwork for you—in a season, at a time of day, or after each big pitch or product launch? Anticipate what’s coming and have a mitigation plan in place.

Role model the results you're looking for

In my business I do a fair amount of outsourcing. When it comes to legal or accounting work, where I’m not the expert, I defer to my lawyer and accountant completely. But sometimes I outsource stuff that I could do myself—things like developing slides or delivering a program—because I want to make sure I'm spending my energy on the big ticket items. And I know exactly how I want those outsourced projects to be done.

In my early days, I’d do my best to give clear direction. But when something wasn’t done exactly as I wanted it, I would get so frustrated with the other person.

Channel your frustration into providing excellent examples that the people you work with can emulate.

I finally realized I needed to teach by showing, not telling. I started sharing samples of slide decks I liked. I started having facilitators sit in on a program I was delivering before I unleashed them to deliver it solo.

Sometimes even the clearest instruction won’t serve you as well as role-modeling will. So, channel your frustration into providing excellent examples that the people you work with can emulate.

And there you have some of my favorite strategies for letting my frustration teach me about changes I need to make.

Now it’s your turn. What is your frustration trying to teach you, and are you ready to become its student?

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Why Are You Afraid to Ask Questions at Work?

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| Financial Planning

Here’s a thing that happens to me all the time: I’m facilitating a meeting with a team of executives and they’re discussing a complex part of their business. I pause to ask a “dumb” question. (The ability to ask questions like that is one of the perks of being an outsider looking in at an organization.)

Instead of getting an articulate answer to my "dumb" question, I get blank stares. People blush and clear their throats. Why? Because the question that seemed so dumb to me is one none of them actually knows the answer to. And it's not because they're not smart enough; it's because they've simply never thought to ask.

Why are we afraid to ask questions?

Part of why I love my job is that I’m paid to ask questions. Asking lies at the heart of facilitation. A great question is often the fastest path to an answer or a cool discovery.

Maybe you're afraid you'll look incompetent. But asking questions is often the smartest move you can make.

But so many people fear asking questions. If you're one of them, there could be lots of underlying reasons keeping you from asking the questions that would help you make progress. Maybe you're afraid you'll seem incompetent, or that you're unable to figure things out for yourself. Maybe you're worried that you'll slow the work down, or that you're making an unreasonable demand on someone else's time or energy.

My goal today is to convince you that asking questions, and asking them well, is often the smartest move you can make. Questions, when you ask them strategically, have the power to connect you, expand ideas and thinking, and grow and develop your capabilities.

How asking great questions at work can help your career

Let’s talk about what a great question can do for you and how you might benefit from the asking.

Asking questions can further your great idea

You want to show up as a genius at work. Who doesn't want to be the hero, right?

The key is to strike a balance between showing a point of view and having a sense of curiosity.

But that natural desire to be the ua-competent one has its drawbacks. It can mean that when there’s a problem to be solved or a challenge to be met, you want to be the one with the answers, not the questions. But sometimes asking the right question is just the thing to sharpen and shape your idea.

The key is to strike a balance between showing a point of view and having a sense of curiosity. Let’s say you’ve noticed that sales on a particular product line are down. You’ve got some ideas on how to tweak that product to help make it shine again. But before you unleash your own brilliance on the world, pause to consider that maybe a small tweak from a colleague could make your idea even better.

Start a conversation with a coworker or your boss. You might begin with:

I’d love to experiment with adding X feature to Y product. How do you think customers would respond? And what suggestions do you have?

This approach showcases your idea but also invites people to weigh in. You’re not just asking for approval. Instead, you’re genuinely seeking input. And their ideas may just put the finishing touches on yours.

Asking questions can trigger a connection

Maintaining connections—to a community, to a purpose—is a hot topic. And asking questions can be a simple way to keep connection at the forefront.

I’m not talking about the “how are you?” or “what’s new?” moments. They may be punctuated with question marks, but they’re really just conversational hygiene. I’m talking about questions of substance; the kind intended to open discussion.

A question that drives connection needs to meet a few criteria in my book.

  • It's authentic. Ask a question that doesn't come with a scripted answer like "I'm fine" or "Nothing much." Seek a real response.
  • It's open. Great questions invite a range of possible answers beyond yes, no, right, wrong, up, or down.
  • It taps curiosity. Consider who you're striving to connect with. Where do they put their energy? How can you tap into their passions and interests with a targeted question?

A friend of mine, a marketing professional, lost his job a few months ago. He’s been struggling and he’s turned inward.

I want to make sure he continues to feel connected, both to me and to his own sense of competence. So, every few weeks. I reach out with a marketing question. It may be about an experiment I want to run in my own business, or for an opinion on a topical article I’ve read. 

My question to him is always genuine—I do want to tap into his wisdom. But I’m being intentional in using the question as a way to keep a connection alive. It always sparks a conversation, and I know it’s helping him hang tight in this challenging season.

Asking questions can provide a new direction

Sometimes it’s not that you don’t know something or can’t figure it out, it’s just that you’ve been spinning on it for a while and you need to break that spin cycle.

Recently, I was designing a program for a leadership team striving to work more collaboratively with each other. The program would have two components. The first was education about what strategic collaboration looks like and some general practices for doing it well. The other was a facilitated discussion to help the team identify where things were breaking down and propose strategies and solutions to move them forward.

Asking for a push doesn’t mean you’ve failed to deliver. It means you’re wise enough to see the potential of adding wisdom on top of your own.

This is my jam. My bread and butter. (I’ve got to stop writing just before lunch).

But in designing the program, I got stuck at one point. I couldn’t figure out how to transition between the two pieces and I was banging my head against a wall.

I finally decided to phone a friend, another experienced facilitator. I asked how she would approach the program challenges. And in that moment, if I’m honest, I felt a bit of shame. Why couldn’t I just figure this one out?

But it turns out, talking it through with her helped me have a breakthrough. She didn’t give me the answer, but she pushed my thinking in a direction I hadn't even considered.

I had to get over this idea that my expertise wasn’t enough. 

Asking for a push doesn’t mean you’ve failed to deliver. It means you’re wise enough to see the potential of adding wisdom on top of your own.

Asking a question can challenge or develop someone 

There’s this thing I do sometimes when I’m running a meeting. I’ll pose a question to someone specific—not because I don’t know the answer, but because I see an opportunity to shine the spotlight on them.

Allowing someone else to showcase their thinking, their courage, or just their willingness to think out loud can be an incredible gift.

Maybe the team has gotten stuck somewhere. They ask me what they should do. While I’m always happy to offer a point of view, if I know someone else on that team who can respond in a way that demonstrates their expertise or creativity, I’ll ask them the question.

Allowing someone else to showcase their thinking, their courage, or just their willingness to think out loud can be an incredible gift. It helps them to grow. It also demonstrates your own capability as a leader and someone worth following. 

And there you have my thoughts on the power of great questions. Are there other scenarios in which you’ve used questions to move you forward? (You see what I did there? An open question coming from my genuine curiosity!) I’d love to hear how you’ve asked a question that pushed you over the finish line.

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